A few years ago, my brother died by suicide between Christmas and New Year’s. Since then, the holidays have lost their innocence for me. My brother was in chronic pain for many years. He was also an artist. The music he wrote was modern and somewhat inaccessible for most people. I have thought a lot about why he made the choice that he did. Phone conversations I had with him have taken on new meaning. He had become more and more detached over the years. Almost as if he had been preparing for this.

Last weekend, I went to Pittsburgh with some friends. We attended a concert of the Amernet String Quartet. It was sponsored by the University of PIttsburgh’s Music on the Edge series. At intermission, I approached one of the directors of the program about possibly having my brother’s music performed. It helps me to think that I can possibly do something positive in his memory. My sister and I are going to attend a performance of my brother’s music in New York.